Shakahnna (weskerismybitch) wrote,

I need some pleasure with my pain.

Right fuckers! (and my loves)... Update time.

So here goes, what I had done was called an Atrial Flutter Ablation and some kinda ECG thingie as well I think but it I think was part wasn’t what they were actually doing to fix me. And by that I mean it doesn’t have the name of it on the blue letter they gave me home so I have no fucking idea what it was called.

I was supposed to have the op at like funny o’clock in the morning but I actually ended up being bumped up the queue to like 2ish in the afternoon. So there was allot of sitting around waiting in bed, arse free to the world with a drip in my arm. And obviously you have to fast before anything x-ray related so I was a tad grumpy. Although would you believe that the boys wouldn’t go for something to eat until I went in for the actual procedure like I told them they should since there was no point in having us all sitting with growling stomachs but they stayed and it was really sweet of them. Like they were with me the whole time and that I think helped cause obviously when you are going for anything where the first thing on the sheet is like YOU MIGHT GET HEART BLOCK, A HEART ATTACK OR A STROKE!!!!! It does tend to make you just a little bit nervous. I was not best pleased either because the nurse had said that she expected I would have to stay in over night because the Doctor who was doing the operation didn’t let people go home the next day. Like she had said it wasn’t going to happen and I really, really did not want to stay in like I hate being away over night from my bug.

They had totally given me these tiny fucking like... paper knickers? The fuck? Apparently no, they do not go on my head. I was like um... nurse with the best will in the world my arse is not going in these. I mean seriously I have a huge arse, this is fact but even had it not been especially big, it still wouldn’t have gotten into these things. And they were like oh then you’ll just have to go commando. Um one small problem with that, for the last three months I’ve had a very unwelcome visitor which means no underwear is not an option. Fucking hell if I had any shame at all I would have been fucking mortified. But apparently there was gonna be a fair bit of blood anyways but at least they let me keep my pad, even if not my pants. And iodine or at least something with the same colour as it cause I can’t fucking wash the stuff off my thigh.

There was an offer of a sedative at the start but I had refused to have it, simply because well if I can avoid it, pain or otherwise then I will take that. Like I didn’t want to be out of it while they are doing that stuff to me, I think in pain or not I’d want to be able to defend myself from it. So he offered it two or three times but I just didn’t want to have it. It did also mean that I got to see pretty much the whole thing. Was in there for a bit over two and a half hours but it was really interesting because at first there was just this picture of my heart and then once they had the rods inside there was a picture from fucking inside my heart (using a big circular x-ray thing.) and these three big evil looking metal arms inside of it.

So what happened was, they put this tube in my leg (putting a local anaesthetic on it first  but I was just like.. nah just go ahead.) so they did and man it was mental sore, like could feel these things going through my leg and up to the top of my hips, like but then couldn’t feel anything again until they were actually inside my heart like it was mad sore. I think (although they didn’t say.) that they must have given me quite a heavy shot of adrenaline because my hands went freezing and my fingertips curled up and went that sort of painful cold? Cause they had to induce the irregular beat to find out where it was coming from so that they burned away the correct bits. But it made me almost jump actually from the jolt of it.

I was offered Morphine quite a few times because of the pain. It was so fucking hot as well because literally they are burning the inside of your heart. Like am sure that most of you will have been burned but think about that in like 90 second bursts, three second rests and then 90 seconds again for about 90 minutes? And that’s what happened. Like think they offered three times cause they were sure that I would take it. Which I did not. But just never been burned on the inside before and it was mad. Like it was so fucking painful like you’d not believe it. Plus it was warm as fuck as well so I was sweating like a fucking nuns cunt on a Sunday and my fingers and toes were absolutely freezing. And I was there with no fucking pants on. First time I have had surgery and it was just mental. The second one (if it works) should be easier though. Cause the fact the right side (I think it’s the right side anyways.) if like swollen up three times as large as a normal heart cause of the hole so it was complicated for him to burn away all the bits that needed burned.

Afterwards it was nice cause was back in the ward cause the doctor came and thanked me. Like I was like um... you’ve just done hard surgery but he was like you made my job so much easier and I’d much rather be on my side of the table any day. But he said like actually said I had been amazing because I’d refused all drugs offered and hadn’t moved at all for the entire time I was in there even though he knows how absolutely painful the surgery is. Like that was just nice being told that he’d never had anyone be able to refuse drugs up to the end and people who did were screaming or crying by the end but I hadn’t made a sound. Was just swell cause he actually stopped and came to ask me if there was pain (cause obviously there would be something very wrong if there wasn’t.) and I thought telling him I wasn’t crying so it couldn’t be that bad was quite witty (under the circumstances) and I did get a laugh. Is just good cause things like this are proof to myself that I am not weak. Not that I worry about such obvious fallacies often but if I did then I would have proof. Just how many people can say they’ve had heart surgery, took no sedatives or painkillers (and you know you’re dealing with the big guns if they offer you morphine.) and got up and went home the same day.  

Actually I have a picture of my drip inside my arm which I grabbed for the lovely Ms Boomkat. I DID want to get a picture of my femoral vein to show you where they had put the catheters in but there’s fuck all point because despite the fact I was promised bruising and scars there’s pretty much none. Like it looks like I have such scratches and considering my INR is like 3.2 (My blood is 3.2 times thinner than a regular persons.) I should have had heavy bleeding and bruising but... nope. Though I am walking with a bit of a limp just now but that’s quite normal and should be gone by the time the week is done.  

I got the best gift ever actually, like was only my boys at the hospital with me but they had gone away to get something to eat while I was in and they had gotten me a present which was the both of them in a photo-booth for me to be putting in my wallet. Which just... I couldn’t ask for anything more lovely than that. Like I totally smile every time I see it. I encourage all of you to do the same, hop into the photo-booth and send me the pictures like it’s such a precious thing like to have a little bit of my loved ones with me, that I can take out and smile at whenever I want.

So although I am officially at home, I won’t be around much because they’ve said to do nothing at all for a week and it’s probably sensible if I take that advice. Well to be fair it’s not even been one whole day yet and I’ve done a few things around the house already but gotta member to avoid doing shit so I don’t have a funny turn because the last thing I want is to get away so quickly from the hospital and end up having to go back.

I’ve not had any junk food at all for like the past 3 months maybe? And today I am having chocolate cake for breakfast. It’s going to be amazing. Like if there is any better way to celebrate than by starting your day with chocolate cake. God I am just so fucking glad that things went well and that I am home now.

And it’s really been lovely just at all the calls, texts, e-mails, notes and messages that I’ve been getting from you guys since this happened. Like really you’ve all just been completely wonderful and I was really excited to come home and just let you all know what happened and to say thank you really. Like you guys really know how to make someone feel loved even more (and that’s saying something special) and I wanted to say thanks. Will be dropping everyone something personal soon as I am feeling a bit better but even just sitting typing this am thinking am gonna go chill for a bit. I know right like OH HEM GEE TEH EXTERTIONS. But one down one to go and thank you so much for all your support and love.  I’ve got so much to catch up on but I will definitely do it all personally cause how could I not?



And I don’t know how many of you are fans of Clock Tower: The First Fear but fucking hell am watching Dario Argento’s Phenomena and CTFF has completely ripped it off. Like I mean absolutely ripped it off to fuck. Like The main protagonist is Jennifer Connolly for fuck sake and all the CT music is in there. But fans of that game definitely need to be checking out this movie. Not only is it very sharp dialogue and quite scary but also it’s clearly what was the influence for the first game, like the first 30 minutes is all have seen so far but it’s like OMG that’s in clock tower bingo. I mean not in a bad way but a friend of mine is always raving on about Argento and I can kinda see why now because the man definitely does really awesome horror movies and as much as I hate the sort of teenagers  thing, if they are charming enough then I think it works. And was a huge Labyrinth fan when I was younger so was really ace to see Connolly kicking around as well since clearly she was the inspiration for CT’s Jennifer like they look so damn alike.



Obviously this has been getting written up over the course of a few days but had my first funny turn already like I didn’t do allot, just made dinner and stripped the beds but already am finding that it’s made me go a bit wonky so ACTUALLY not doing anything today. It shouldn’t be hard like I think I just hate sitting around like lady Muck while the boys do things.


Also I am now officially a twit and by that I mean that I have joined twitter. I am sorry but they can say what the fuck they like, someone who is on Twitter surely would not be a tweet, that doesn’t make sense.  I am Shakahnna there.  And I am on Gaia as well and completely obsessed with Booty Grab. I have a Cheshire cat on my head as well which is totally awesome. Like I love it =D. Am just trying to do things that aren’t complicated cause right now what I need are distractions like things which I can be doing to keep my mind away from this. It seems to be worse yesterday than it was today so I have to try and keep busy without actually moving. I wanna check out more of Argento’s work actually since I am really liking what he has done thus far. I think those of you into the gore as well might enjoy it, he has a very good understanding of the horror genre for sure.


Thank you once again, it really has been so much easier thanks to you guys :)

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