Shakahnna (weskerismybitch) wrote,

Like there’s a God in me.

The first thing you should know is that I've been writing this entry on and off for... probably since the last time I updated. I keep meaning to and then getting distracted by the shiny. HOORAY! Shiny. So if it seems a bit mad it has been typed in many different moods.

I have figured something out. Firstly my two favourite words are most definitely Cunt and Hooray! Like those are the two I say most in the day but also it runs deeper than that. You can shorten down every situation that crops up into one of those two groups. For the good things that happen you have HOORAY! Which should always be said completely with gusto and like you mean it. Of course for the lesser things you may adjust it accordingly so you can have like a hooray if something is just okay or mediocre.

Then of course you have for the thing which are a bit more goatse (Christ I fucking member the day I found out there was actually a name for that.) themed, cunt. This of course can be expressed in several different manners. Can be “well I am happy but am still aware that you have just made me eat excrement” type of cunt. Or it can be a colossal earth moving cunt which makes all your neighbours silent and look at you. Even though they are in their jammies in the middle of the street and _I_ am the strange one. Or it can kinda be the sort of cunt you think you might fall into and drown.

I can’t promise you this wasn’t just so I could sit and laugh to myself merrily typing cunt over and over. But I can say with some certainty that this is almost definitely going to be my new world view from now on. It saves so very much time.

It shall be henceforth known as “The Shak Universal Categorization Theorem. “



Been doing allot of Damnation actually cause I finally decided that am not gonna just hoard that away anymore. I think not having 100 pages just sitting on my hard drive doing nothing. Makes sense to just place it up so it’s there and people can read if they want. I suspect only Dave reads these days but is still something I started so I want to finish it. But I had done a part I have been dreading writing for a long time. Like just kinda have that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach because of what happened. When you do anything for so long you get used to certain characters being around. The RE games are so very, deeply depressing most of the time I think. Something that they really seemed to forget like can’t think of anything even remotely heart strings that happened but fuck RE3 was totally brutal. Like all those people you came across and just all of them fucking die. Damnation had so many regular OC’s . I suspect everyone knows that feeling am talking about where you get a very acute sense of loss that you can’t quite shake. Even though it’s not real and nothing is really gone. Suspect there has just been allot of scenes like that in a row that just am happy with how it turned out. Though happy might be entirely the wrong phrase there. Let your egocentricity shine Shak, let it shine!

But for the first time in ... I can’t remember how long I’m actually listening to my “Being a goth” soundtrack. I can’t member the last time my playlist wasn’t set to one of my various “Hot” music. Like must have been before everything got a bit brown and squishy. So I think that is probably a good sign, that things are starting to get good enough in real life that it doesn’t be such a bad thing to listen to some really sad music. I have a quiet melancholy to my mood but I think that is okay because it’s fantasy. Isn’t real I guess.

I just want to make sure to handle the subsequent reaction correctly as well. Like how do you demonstrate properly that completely life destroying event that is losing the one that you love? It’s something that is done almost all the time but it’s without a doubt never done right. I often think about what would happen if I lost my hubby and it makes my brain freeze up with fear. Never mind having to deal with it happening. So tackling something like that I think will help. Is also actually the first time have wanted to write since I don’t know when. I all but stopped for the past little while, doing some RP with Dave or with Rose but otherwise... de nada. Like absolutely sweet fuck all. So I think that even if I have dropped considerably in my own estimations, I still very much enjoy it. And that will be what motivates me. I have a story that I started writing a long time ago and I really want to finish it.

Not just that but besides some blaring flaws it is actually an okay story perhaps not the novel of a lifetime which I believed when I was in my very early twenties but still okay. Maybe somewhat intricate in places and the morality is pretty tight but it’s well written and it’s definitely well thought out. Everything slots neatly into place and there’s no gloss or ‘dishy Jude Law to help you with the difficult prose’ not that the prose is difficult but I think is probably too long to see any new fans but is just something that I enjoy sharing with people. More art soon to come I think since there are some things that I just have to draw. I miss spending time writing it with the hubby as well but think we are going to do that more. And there’s so much sadness in it just now that I very well might let him have his way for a happy ending. Cause fuck what is wrong with those? I LIKE them.


Sometimes Warren is barely recognizable to me. She used to be a bit of a mirror(also note before I had any grasp on the whole tropes/sue etc thing.) but have changed so much it’s almost a completely different person. But I think actually that is better that I don’t get pulled back. Am trying as much as possible to separate out my life. Things seems to be moving in a good direction so I am going to push on with that. I think genuinely for awhile I was almost sure I’d always be disgusted with people. My desire to do something good swayed little but was never quite sure that people were worth it. But I think that slowly that is moving itself away which is great like feels as though am moving closer to being myself. Won’t necessarily be the person I was before but will be who I am supposed to be which is better. Temper has slowly been easing off as well which is really nice because I absolutely fucking hated being a powder keg.

Workouts I think will help with that allot. Started back up the body for life stuff this week so I think that is gonna do good things for me. Can save up for a weight bench as well and then once I can do full sets of all the exercises I can move on. My plan hasn’t really changed any at all, same as it’s always been. Just now stuff is starting to fall into place a little bit more. Like can see progress however little and however bastarding long that fucker is taking. And as things do start to work I feel more confident in what needs to be done. I may still shoot for the police force when all is said and done or maybe I’ll go all MMA and see where that takes me. I just am starting to see a future again so .. that’s pretty good. I think I have a good family around me and for that everything else has been worth it.

I think it’s something worth striving for and I DO have the rest of my life. Like am not so old that things need to always be where they are now. If I can get myself back into shape, start fighting again but properly then I can really get behind that. Think has been too long in coming but it IS something I want. Want to get my pain tolerance back up just for everyday things as well as extreme circumstances. Am always really proud of how I perform when say... I break my arm or need an operation or any of the other big things that make people hurt. Just think I could use more tolerance for the every day, I still don’t take pain killers but when my heart cramps up it’s bad and I want to have more control over that. Cause it can be my bitch and suck my cock.


For the life of me, I cannot think of a time when juxtaposition would be an appropriate word choice.  I have it in my head allot but never in the right place.


No more doctors. No I mean I’ve actually decided that I am not going to see them anymore because they are a bunch of shit eating cunts. No more fucking drugs either like they never seem to do anything but make things worse. Obviously never touched over the counter shit anyways (sleep, drugs, women and children being for the weak of course.) but prescription stuff just seems to be determined to prevent me from taking a proper shit.

I mean that metaphorically of course.


So review time? Am probably going to talk about Lost In Nightmares/ Desperate Escape, Darkside Chronicles and Shattered Memories. So there is going to be shitloads of spoilers, conjecture and probably at least some bitching ;) Actually I’ll do Shattered Memories now and then if I get time the rest. This has been sitting on my computer for at least three months now, I should really post it.

I’ll start I think with Shattered Memories simply because it is the most recent one I’ve played but on top of that it’s also the one I liked the least too.  So much so in fact I think I am going to not bother playing it to get the rest of the endings.  Okay so I understand a vast majority of the gaming community are people with a hardon and nowhere to stick it but for fuck sake. I like to keep my games and my masturbation separate. I mean except the whole FFX get your orgasm in time with the theme but that was a long time ago. I just hate the whole seedy revolution that seems to be taking place in the next gen stuff. Like HEY GUYS! We can use this stuff to sell to the loser thinks getting laid is everything crowd. Ugh. Shattered Memories seemed to have a fair bit of this going on which just annoyed me no end.

It started in Silent Hill 2 which by the way is one game exactly after the series jumped the shark. That sort of ooh it’s filled with naughty stuff and then pleasantly seemed to go away for three, most of four and all of five. Which was a big YAY step in the right direction. So I was rather disappointed to see things go a bit that way inclined again here. That is hardly the biggest problem with the game though like not by a long shot and considering how much the degradation of the games and use of lowest common denominator piss me off that is a hefty accusation.  

So why was it shit? (A nice unbiased review is not going to happen because I didn’t like it. Mostly.)

Firstly it was unwaveringly, completely dedicatedly predictable. There was not a single surprising thing in that game. Which for a re-envisioning of a game I’ve played at least a hundred times should be completely okay right? No. Not in the least.

The biggest problem with taking on an old series is that you have a very thin margin to get the concept right. Take too much from the original and you have a carbon copy (Which in some cases is okay, if we get an RE2 remake that is pretty much what I want to see.) and that cannot be called a re-imagining or you change so much that the two are unrecognizable as being related and you may as well have gone with an original project, which can be okay if what you change are all the things wrong with the original.

Had this been a sequel to SH3 I think I would not have had the same gripes about the game. Especially the story component which suffered the most. Then again they would have had to do something really pretty special to compete with number one because it really is right up there in my top ten. I loved the diversity, the different paths and how open to interpretation it was. There was none of that pretentious wank that came later.

The controls in places were somewhat random and quite unresponsive which did at first add to the fear element of playing. I was very sure I was going to enjoy the ice sections because it was so fast paced because it was frantic rather than because there was much killing to be done. But as the game progressed it started to wear on my nerves more than anything else. And that section where you are in the big dark ice room is a fucking joke. I must have walked around there completely at least twice before randomly stumbling into the place I was supposed to be.

Indeed I did very much miss bashing things in with a pipe.

And the sleaze was pish. Scary and masturbation are really not too things that I like to mix up. But even more than that, if I want sleazy I don’t life far away from a den of people who genuinely disgust me and I have no respect for. I can go there and watch them show me what is left from their pubes after the crabs finished grazing there.


Through much experimentation I have discovered just how much chewing gum you need to chew on before it will have laxative effects. Thirty pieces in one day pretty much does it. I got a box with eight hundred pieces on ebay for like £10. Happy days.


I think I feel a certain degree of pissed off with some of the issues people seem to get behind on the net. Like perhaps just because DA is flooded with a younger demographic but sometimes it seems like people really do ignore all the important stuff. Granted it IS a shame if someone gets bullied but at the same time there is only so much pity that should be afforded to what (believe it or not) on a global scale is a relatively minor infraction. Even then what constitutes as being picked on, oh no they called me a name BAW makes it even worse. (It really fucks me off when people have one of these type rants and then go BECAUSE _I_. No, nothing to do with me.) I just like the idea of encouraging people to get a sack. Or maybe that is it actually like those without one are so quick to throw around the term that it’s lost all meaning. There are some people who have really been treated terribly and had their life completely changed and gone through horrible things. Not the same thing as someone once said you were ugly.

Same with homophobia. Granted again there is some real discrimination going on and that’s wrong but bigger picture. And sometimes, maybe, just maybe it’s cause you are a selfish prick and not because you prefer to chomp on the genitals of your own sex. It’s an easy thing to target but the fact is that if it wasn’t that then it would be something else. It’s one of those POV that gives me grief though like in this day and age why does anyone care who other people are sleeping with? Especially when there’s no one getting hurt. Just the way people get up in arms about it, you’d think that people were being dragged out from their beds at night and being lynched in the streets. Or have their respective bits cut off and fed to them for kicks. You are less likely to get married or get a job, um... same if you are short (nothing you can do about that either) but there isn’t a huge warring cry to stop that.

These will be added to my get a fucking grip topics. Along with bitching about your weight/height/glasses/hair colour and eyebrow shape.

Says she bitching.


Kevin Smith, think he’s probably a “Would Get It.” Although the award would have to be given posthumously and that I am less enthusiastic about. Though I’ve never gotten my head around the whole having emotional feelings for someone who is a cunt. I am obviously talking about in fiction more so than real life. Real life it’s usually harder to gage but also you don’t get the same view in reality as you do in fiction. I don’t mean the RAWR I’D HIT THAT type thing but the wow I want to settle down and build a life with someone like that. I like a bit (allot) of self-flagellation as much as the next person (assuming they are a masochist, not an emotional one that doesn’t count.) but the person you choose to be with should be your partner in all things. Above all else they should be loyal to you and your well being.  That was a tangent which was actually longer than the spot of lechery which I had intended for here. We’ve been watching Xena of all things. I never caught it when it was on TV but hubby suggested we get a hold of it and watch from series 2 onwards and it’s actually really fucking good. The interaction between everyone is awesome and I don’t get that sort of twinge of unnecessary that accompanies allot of characters. So far anyways but we just hit series three so will see how that all pans out.

I quite fancy being God of War. Would also mean being God of Peace as well though and that is an exceptionally odd dichotomy but I think one that I would really enjoy. Suppose anything with the prefix “God of” can only be so bad. Unless it’s God of Intestinal worms or God of Shitting Dick Nipples.

Also shat myself seeing Karl Urban with blond hair playing cupid. He’s a wonderfully talented actor but the bleached blond was so fucking weird.  So yes Xena, I have a bit of a girl crush on her. Which is to say nothing sexual but I really like to look at her.


I have the heart doctors on my birthday of all days. Ordinarily they’d get told to eat shit but considering have waited a year to actually speak to someone and go hey? Is it supposed to be doing this? I think I am going to go. Will also be a chance to find out what is right/wrong with my heart. The GP thinks (good news) that my heart is okay just still recovering but (less good news) it might be something else that is making me sick. Though my plan of ignoring them and doing things as I see fit seems to be working out quite well. There is one doctor I will listen to because she listens to me but the rest I have very little trust in. Especially considering now they’ve added the “Oh you must be depressed” card in there. I have a word for them... Why yes! It IS cunt! Idiots, they are barely qualified to recognize my mood on the hour they meet me, never mind when my mood is not soured by having to deal with people who despite all that education seem to be completely ignorant. Medical school seems to be little more than a place where common sense goes to die. 

Got the dentist as well. Though I do get a certain amount of unexplained glee by making drilling noises, it’s very therapeutic.

- EDIT One more scan and then should be me. Hooray!


An entirely unrelated note but does anyone know where I can get a fire-axe? I was going to ask my mum but if my dad won’t tell me then she definitely won’t.


So much like everyone else I am going to open an Etsy. There will be things for sale although fuck knows if anyone is not cut out for business it’s me. Hopefully having a store type thing will take care of most of the bullshit from there, Dave can be the customer manager and stop me from calling anyone a cunt. Ach it’s all in good humour like the problem with the net is that it is exceptionally hard to see the affection behind when I swear. Sarcasm doesn’t seem to translate to text very well and more so I often come across as serious which I am sure is not the case. Well anyways it’s fun making the miniatures and then turning them into jewellery is easy after that. The really good stuff though is the gore laced stuff. Don’t know if there is a market for it but if not I’ve a ton of wonderful little things for which to... do something with presumably. A rousing endorsement I know ;).

It is here


Christ I’m supposed to be writing game reviews for a website but with no swearing..... I don’t even know how that works. I wonder if whores is included in that? I’ll have to ask maybe in January though rather than now.

See I have noticed that there is something about this time of year that seems to make everyone act a bit crazy. I fucking love this month like so many awesome things happen during it and Christmas shopping is totally win. Plus SNOW, we have SNOW. We got stuck in the car for like 11 hours last weekend actually (or maybe the one before?) on our way back from a place that normally takes us like 45 minutes each way? It was completely mental. Plus the speakers ran out of battery like .... 2 hours in and then my DS a few hours later. Still it wasn’t so bad like we took shit loads of photos, talked and even got out the car to have a bit of a snowball fight. Everyone was fucking so nice though as well like communication was really good and the moment ANYONE in any lane got stuck people were right out there helping push the cars even if they weren’t affected. The sort of thing that really makes me smile.



Okay so that was all past stuff. I really need to write some actual game reviews for stuff I've played and liked and stuff that I haven't. I actually really wanted to mention my birthday which was mostly pretty damn amazing. One of those days that just everything sans the hospital is exactly perfect. We watched the Animal Crossing Movie and it was fucking darling. Got so much amazing art.... I got a camera cause my parents psychicly knew I wanted one. Was just stunning. And... we also have two new cats. Both were in danger of being killed by some little fucking cunt, so they came to us to be taken to be rehomed. But fuck they were just so nice and so we kept them. They are doing so well here as well. Have called them Jade and Smoke and they already answer to their names. I love them to pieces.

I also got a life sized cardboard stand of Xena. I am going to take her photo with Wesker and then be joyful in how if nerds got stoned I would be well fucking dead <3.

Happy New Years guys <3


ALSO for those of you guys who have a Blackberry let me know. I actually have one, only cause they offered one with a £10 a month contract which is what am paying now anyways. But still it's actually fairly awesome and would be good to stay in touch in some way that I will actually do.

I seriously need to do some new icons at some point. It can go on my New Years list. Which so far included BE MORE OBNOXIOUS, Take things less seriously, kick someone rubbish in the nuts, eat more species of animal... the usual.

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded